Where Have I Been?

So much for posting every day! Probably not the first wet-behind-the-ears blogger to fall off of that lofty pedastal. Still, what have I been doing? Where have I been for almost a month, while my blog sits collecting dust? Well, apparently I have done nothing noteworthy because had I anything to say, I would have been blogging about it I suppose. That got me thinking….I have really been absent from not only blogging, but from reading blogs, twittering, and SL. My whole social network has been on hold. But then, so has my teaching. I am in an educational funk. Why? I was not really sure until today. Some recent conversations, and this post by Colleen King helped me realize that I am unbalanced, and I need to fix that.

OK, those of you who know me personally already know I am unbalanced- but that is not what I am talking about right now, so stop laughing and listen up. I have stopped trusting my own instinct about what is right for kids. I have sold out. I have spent way too much time worrying about how my kids will do on the big test, and way too little time on everything else. I am going against my gut, and it has me wishing I was not teaching. I know in my heart that if I help them learn HOW to learn, they will be fine on the big test. Constructivism and inquiry are not counterproductive to test performance- I have had good results in the past. I know that there are some basic skills that I always have to throw into the mix. I just let the assessments take over this year.

There is no reason to go into the “why” because it will only keep me from moving forward. So, now that my dirty laundry is out there, my question is what should I do about it? I have a huge need to differentiate this year, as my student levels are all over the place. I have done well with that part of my plan, and teach almost nothing to the whole group. That is easy to do when you are assessing and re-teaching almost constantly. I have done a few tech integrated projects, but can’t seem to let go and just see where the kids will take it this year…is it because I feel they can’t? Maybe…but perhaps I am not giving them a chance to show me what they can do. Any words of wisdom? Have you ever had a year where you just felt your kids weren’t ready? My gut says they were born ready…. Should I keep doing what I am doing, or cut them loose?