The further away I get from NECC, the more I see.  The specific conversations that I had, from the time I sat down at the web 2.0 smackdown at Saturday’s Edubloggercon, to the last conversation I had in the elevator the night before I left are all starting to weave themselves into this tapestry of voices.  It’s all coming together for me, and I am realizing that every conversation I had leads me to one question in my own mind…what will I do?  The whole idea that teaching needs a good kick in the pants is really not up for debate, though I must say I heard a few.  What I did not hear, is a lot of solutions.  Who has the answer for that?  What exactly does the everyday, teach between the bells teacher do to impact the future of education?  Yes, we talked alot about what is wrong, and what we don’t have, and what we don’t do.  I just want to know, what should I do?  How can I help?  I suppose I wanted someone to come over to me at the bloggers cafe and just answer that question for me…lay it out and tell me to run with it.  But I realized about 2 days into the deal, that we were all just really in the same boat, rowing the same direction, not really knowing how to get where we need to go.  So, I started asking some people..”what should we do, what can we do?”  I had some great conversations about that- I talked to Bernie Dodge about my struggles with using webquests in a student-centered, constructivist classroom, and how I could balance those things.  I talked with Tina Steele, Kevin Honeycutt, and Wes Fryer about how we needed to take advantage of our geographic proximity and make something great happen in our little corner of the world.  I talked to Riptide Furse about my ideas for a new kind of technology training model for teachers.  Those, and many other conversations are all mashing up together in my head, and I am beginning to see what I will do.  I spent the last hour creating a model for change, and tomorrow, I will share those ideas with my tech person, and my principal.  Then, if they don’t fire me, I’ll share them with you….well…I’ll share them with you anyway:)  I was beginning to think that all of my social networking (fun as it was)  at NECC had not really produced anything tangible.  Now I see..the powerful force of my network.  Thanks to all of you!!  Also.. to Jeff, Will, Jakes, Shareski, Wagner, and the others in Utecht cafe that morning, who let me just listen for awhile- made an effort to say hello to a newbie, and let me toss a few ideas-thanks-it was empowering to me.

I have spent the last hour mulling over all the posts and comments concerning the new ISTE policy that has magically appeared just days before the event.  I started to post a comment for Wes, but the more I wrote, the more I realized that I know nothing about the legal aspects of this issue, and I really am just reacting emotionally, yet I still feel the need to react.  So I’ll post over here where fewer people will notice my ignorance, and I can still vent freely before laying my head on the pillow tonight:) 

I must say that this is just another tick on the dog (as my grandpa would say).   I have had a wierd feeling about this conference for several reasons.  First, I do think that the cost went up this year because, according to a long time attendee friend of mine,  they added a mandatory ISTE membership into the cost of the conference… that seems a bit pushy to me, as I am not really a “joiner” by nature.  Second, although my BFF and I are co-presenting,  some of my other techie buds are not coming, and that makes this trip a bit less fun compared to our Winter trip to METC.  Third, several of my closest SL buds are not coming, and although I totally understand their reasons, it is also a sad thing.  Fourth, I had a bit of a meltdown over the unfathomable amount of information/opportunities surrounding NECC.   I resolved this anxiety in my own mind by reminding myself that I could spend the next year of my life listening to podcasts, or watching recorded ustreams and never run out of NECC 2008 sessions to absorb.  Well, I guess that is no longer the case! 

All that being said, I am starting to feel bad about the amount of money my school is spending to send me to this conference.  I am starting to feel bad about thinking that NECC was the conference to strive for.  I am starting to feel bad about how much this policy may set the precedent for other smaller conferences, opening the flood gates of restriction on this great vast pool of knowledge that I have only just discovered one year ago!!

I guess in some way I knew it would happen- I remember two years ago at METC I had a conversation with my BFF about how podcasting could really eliminate the bread and butter of some of the big conference circuit folks, but how cool was it that they were willing to share their ideas freely with all of us, for the sake of evolving education!  Those great people who fly all over, leave their families for days for the sake of sharing information, don’t seem worried about it!  For gosh sakes, I can go to David Warlick’s file drawers in Second Life and read everything he’s ever presented…who is ISTE to say that we can’t share knowledge!
OK, so here’s a couple questions that I had after reading posts and comments of others:

Sylvia Martinez said on Miguel’s post:

“This is not a new policy, so it’s a case of technology catching up and passing traditional ways of distributing information. Pretty ironic, eh?”

I know it’s not new to be thinking about this stuff, but it seems new for ISTE…This is my first NECC, but from what I read on the legal notice page of ISTE and the NECC2007 and NECC2008 sites, I see nothing like this policy.  In fact, on the media page there is no mention of it as far as I can see- would you not think that the media should know about this new policy?
Here is another comment from Sylvia:

“It also protects ISTE from copyright violations. People often present things that contain copyrighted material. Even if the presenter innocently gives broadcast permission, is ISTE still liable?”

That seems to be covered under the current ISTE legal notices, so I don’t think this has anything to do with why they added this policy.  I really think that the whole unplugged schedule of events has shaken them, and they realize that we can and will make our own decisions about the relevance of the content that is being shared, and how we choose to share it.  I think they have seen the potential of future unconferences, and they are showing their fear of the unknown by trying to control it.  All I can say is…yeah…good luck with that.

So I guess after hearing so much great stuff about the connections at NECC2007, and being so excited to come to NECC2008, all of these “ticks” have sucked the life right out of me.  I must admit that there is still a little newbie part of me that is really psyched, and can’t wait to see it all.  Then there’s the rebel blogger side of me that wants to be there just so I can SHARE SHARE SHARE and stick my tongue out at all of the ISTE people who tell me that I can’t do that! 

I am sure I will meet great people, and I will learn huge amounts, but it just doesn’t seem as great an adventure as it did a year ago.  Perhaps next year I’ll ask for a ticket to Philly instead.

Tanner, my son,  and I have similar personalities I think.  We are both outgoing and like to be around other people, most of the time.  Sometimes, though, he gets overwhelmed by the amount of chaos and chatter, and just disappears for awhile.  One year I remember we were opening Christmas presents, and there was alot of noise and people and stuff, and I looked around to see if he was soaking in this moment, and he was gone.  I found him in a back bedroom, hiding under a small table.  He was not sad or upset, he just needed a quiet place to escape.  There was just too much going on, and he took the time to step back and re-group.  Wise child, that son of mine.

So, why do I start a post about NECC with this story?  Well, I have had a surprising reaction to my upcoming trip to NECC, and I have been “hiding under the table” for a few weeks trying to re-group.  I am usually so excited in the weeks before a big conference.  I have been looking forward to meeting people face to face for the first time, hearing people present for the first time, continuing to make connections with people, learning new things that I can come back and share with my students.  I am usually driving people crazy by now because all I can talk about is my trip to (insert event here).    I don’t know why it is not that way for me right now. 

I am, perhaps, overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information and choices that are available.  I want to get online and finalize my schedule, but there are too many things that I want to see, and they all happen at the same time.  Then you factor in the unplugged events, leave a bit of time for bloggers cafe, and next thing you know I am headed back under the table again!  I have appreciated reading others thoughts about how to “do” NECC.  I have resisted signing up for some things like the twitter dinner, simply because I don’t want to schedule my entire time and feel obligated to be somewhere.  I almost feel like I have skipped a step in my evolution as a learner.  I wish I was going into NECC a bit less connected.  I wish I wasn’t aware of all of these events that I so want to attend.  I feel like perhaps I would enjoy NECC more if I knew less at this point.  I just want to wander around, soak it all in, and not wonder about who is at bloggers cafe, or what dinner I am missing.  Is that wrong?  I am sure by the time NECC rolls around, I will have this all settled in my own mind, and be totally excited and ready for whatever NECC has to offer- so look for me, say hello..but… if you can’t find me, start looking under the tables:)